What they don't tell you

What they don't tell you about becoming a mother

1.  It isn't that bad.  

Don't get me wrong being in labor hurts.  It hurts a whole lot, but it is not the worst pain of my life. I have a feeling women tell labor pain horror stories just to cause fear in new moms. 

2.  It isn't all good. 

The one thing that hurt that EVERYONE told me would not is breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding not only came with pain but cracked nipples, swelling from engorgement, exhaustion of being a human pacifier, and the worst of all mastitis.  Mastitis is a wonderfully horrid affliction that can affect a women during any duration of breastfeeding.  Even walking will be painful. 

3.  Yours is the cutest.

No matter what your baby looks like, yours is the cutest.  Everything your baby does will be the smartest, funniest, cutest thing a baby has ever done, EVER!  Even when you baby looks like a potato (thank you Will Ferrell), it will still be wonderful.

4.  You will be lonely
You are surrounded by the gorgeousness of your baby, but your friends and family will fade back into their own lives.  The glitter will wear off.  You will spend days begging for the time to shower.  No one is coming to your rescue.  As helpful as everyone wants to be, even your husband, you are learning how to be a mom and it is HARD.  Even if you have a lot of support you are the only one that is the mom and it is all up to you.

Little Bubble

Tiny little bubble floating in the blue

Living in the moment 

Shining like dew.

You escape her tiny grasp

Even in the light

As her clasp opens wide

Fleeing from sight

Are in hovering above 

Waiting to renew?

Are you buried below

Resting far from view?

I understand your glory

I feel the bitter pain.

Your life moves along too quickly

Nothing true to gain.

I stare into her eyes

Like bubbles in the breeze.

A gleeful dance

Carried away with ease.

I try to hold on

Watching it fall away

Sand between my fingers

With every passing day.

Bring the noise

Knives in School

Within an hour of school starting I receive a strange call from my daughter's teacher directing me to come immediately to class.  Do not check in with the office.  She had no time to explain, but her tone sent chills down my spine.  I raced from my office to the school fearful of what I would find.  

The cheeriness of a kindergarten room greeted me.  The smell of paste, text books, and sweaty children filled the air.  Funny looking pumpkin art covered the wall behind the teacher's desk.  The rosy-young teacher handed me a plastic bag filled with colored construction paper, told me not to open it until I was home, and asked me to take it home immediately.  In fear I followed her instructions.

Upon my arrival at home, I sat at my kitchen table ready to unearth the horrors of the colorful bag.  I gingerly opened the seal of the bag in an attempt to not disrupt the terror inside.  Adrenaline filled my veins as if Pandora's box was poised to pew ungodly evil upon me.  I slowly placed my hand inside the bag and pulled the paper out.  I could feel the weight of something inside.  I quickly unfolded the paper to find the most frightening thing a child could have, a weapon.  

My sweet innocence kindergartner narrowly missed being expelled from school.  The reason she was not is only because of her understanding and quick reacting teacher.  A note inside explained the reason her teacher believed she had brought the knife to school.  We all have wonderful children.  Every single one of us, but not everything they do is wonderful.  My child brought a knife to school. 

Now, before you go into a panic or think my kid is a thug, allow me to set the scene.  In October of 2008 my beautiful daughter was in kindergarten.  Her teacher excitedly told the class they would be carving pumpkins in the classroom.  My daughter, the most helpful of all classmates, was ready to help the cause.  The next morning, without my knowledge, she placed a serrated steak knife in her bag and skipped happily to class.   It made perfect sense to me and the teacher.  She had no clue she had done anything wrong. 

 Unfortunately, it did not matter.  None of it mattered.  The law is the law.  DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200.  The teacher risked her career to ensure my daughter would not loose her spot in her class.  Thankfully, the other students were ignorant of what my daughter had done.  This was her saving grace.  The teacher would have not choice but to turn my daughter in and the board abruptly forcing her to attend and alternative school.

In life we all have misunderstandings.  Many are due to ignorance.  If we spend a little time arguing each side of a story, even if you do not think it is the 'right' side, you may will find understanding and empathy.  We do not all need to agree to have compassion for one another

Baby Bonanza

I have been blessed to have many babies in my life.  I am in love with tiny socks.  They never seem to stay on feet, but they are darling.  Better than baby socks is my baby wrap.  You can buy a wrap style carrier, but through the advise of my friend and neighbor, I made my own. In fact I made 2 for under $20.

The wrap is super easy to make... tying it is a different story.  To make the wrap just buy 12 yards of your favorite color of jersey material.  Most material is 36 inches wide.  Cut the fabric in half.  Now, you have two wraps.

I bought my fabric at my favorite store, Hobby Lobby.  Hobby Lobby offers a 50% off coupon on their website you can use  from your smart phone in the store.  I have also purchased the same fabric through fabric.com.  There are many more choices online.  Either way I was not disappointed. 

The best things about the wrap is you can store it easily in a bag.  I don't use a diaper bag.  I have purses and backpacks, and I grab at a moments notice to throw a few needed items in.  The wrap takes up little space.  The wrap is also versatile.  You can change how the wrap is used.  The wrap can be knotted different ways not matter what you need.  My favorite thing of all is I can nurse my baby hands free.  Many times, she will fall asleep.  She takes a nap with little effort on my part.  

The downside of the wrap is it gets HOT.  In the summer it isfairly uncomfortable and sweaty.  Also, it takes a bit of studying to properly use the wrap. Learning the wrap took about 20 minutes of viewing YouTube tutorials.  Once you practice a few times, it will be easy.  If you do not use the wrap correctly, the wrap can be dangerous.  When using the wrap make sure you child can easily breathe at all times.  

Since I learned about the wrap and fell in love with it, I have made many for other people.  It is a great hand made gift for a new mom

Aliens are real

A good friend of mine once told me that when children become teenagers the aliens take over.  Every once in a while you will see a glimpse of the boy you raised, but mostly you will see someone you do not recognize.  Last night I was reminded of this.

Now, I am not one to fight.  Last night was an exception.  I argued myself to tears with my teenager.  After the dust settled guilt took over. 

Had I overreacted?

Was there a better way of handling the situation?

Will I be able to follow through with the threats I laid out?

Does he still like me?

Will this affect our relationship forever?

I do not know the answers to all of the questions, but I do know I overreacted and could have handled the situation much better.  I don't want to follow through with the threats.  They were dumb threats.  Ridiculous reactionary threats. I am not even going to jot them down here because they were too embarrassing to mull over.  

Fact is parents make mistakes.  Just like every other part of our lives, we don't always get it right.  I don't count my mistakes.  Mostly because I cannot count that high.  The other reason is it would ruin the image of how AWESOMELY amazing I am.  

I am fairly certain we can all reach back and remember a regret or two or twenty.  We are building a relationship with our children.  They are changing, growing, developing, and evolving.  So, are we.  We were not born parents.  We became one.  There was no training.  Everyone does it differently.  What works for you may not work for me.  What does work is acknowledging when you made a mistake.  I apologize to my kids.  Not only do I apologize, but I am sincerely remorseful.  It may not seem like much, but it is important to for children to know adults are fallible. Not only does a parent need to be remorseful but also forgiving.  

Forgive your children.  Mistakes are a part of the human experience.  Without mistakes children cannot learn how to avoid them.  I have been told I am too forgiving.  I forget the things my children do once I forgive it.  Repeat offenders are not caught right away because of my lack of memory of the first three transgressions.  

One day soon my teenagers will be out of the house.  They will build their own lives.  I have a significance effect on how successful their life is.  Teaching them who you are is the best way to teach them how to be an adult.  You don't have to be perfect.  Being perfectly honest is enough.

What you should do is...

Raising children does not always feel positive.  As much as I desire to stay positive, it just doesn't happen 100% of the time.  I find my mind drifting towards the negative.  

I become annoyed with the sweet-grandmotherly woman at the store insisting my baby should sleep on her stomach.  I am aggravated with the counselor insisting my son complete more classes than required to ensure he make it into a state college.  I am frustrated with my neighbor who believes my kids should not play in front of my house while I cook dinner.  My go to response is to say with a smile, "Okay.  Thank you," and move on with my life in the same direction I was going before.  

I can't stress this enough.  You ARE the parent.  

Many will come to you with advise.  Most advise givers mean well and some do not.  I have been asked on many an occasion to 'give' advise.  I hate 'giving' advise.  Don't misunderstand what I am saying.  I love to tell people what to do.  I am fantastic at being bossy.  I have made a career out of it, but I do not enjoy reaching into someone's personal life and telling them how they should live it.  What I do like is being asked for advise. I will give advise all stinking day if you ask for it.  

I feel many times people simply want to make conversation, but instead of stopping at, 'Your children are so well behaved,' they continue on to interrogation mode.  I am certain you all are familiar with interrogation mode.  This is my phrase for people who begin to ask seemingly simple questions which lead to an opportunity to advise. 

Here is an example:

Stranger:  "Your daughter is so cute."

Me:  "Oh, thank you."

Stranger:  "Do you have her in preschool?"

Me:  "No, we have a babysitter."

Stranger:  "hmmm...My son had his daughter in preschool and his daughter could read when she was four.  You should look into ABC Academy."

Me:  "Okay.  Thank you."

Now, as gracious and kind as I try to be, the previous dialogue runs my blood pressure through the roof.  Stranger knows nothing of my child or my life.  However, Stranger has no problem trying to make me feel like I am doing a poor job of parenting.  It is possible I am perfectly thrilled with my babysitter, and my daughter can read.  Stranger has no clue what our life is like.  

Reality is strangers are not the only people in your life who will insist on pressing their own opinions onto you.  Friends, family and co-workers are eager to be heard.  Their are some who always seem to know way more than you about everything under the sun. 

Stay positive parents.  You and you alone are in charge of the relationship you are building with your children.  Make each moment count.  We have enough to worry about without the unsought advise of others ruining our joy.